so what's my reality today?

ok so my life is not really in shambles...but i am stressed out. i FINALLY moved from my raggedy apartment to a nice pretty spacious one, but my landlord is withholding my deposit for some serious bs reasons. she doesn't remember removing 2 major furnishings from the apartment before i moved in and she claims that we've been over our electricity bill every month since moving in. so i called my daddy (because that's what i do when i'm stressed out about something) and of course he wants to come to the rescue, only this time i didnt ask him to. he called my landlord and apparently fussed her out to the point that she was compelled to call me and proceed to fuss with me as well. so now i have to call her and rectify the situation, and she's sooo confrontational and i try not to be confrontational. its just stress that is uneccessary and unwanted right now.
other than that, life's ok. we have 12 more days of school left, and while i am really ready for summer, i don't want to give up my kids. i have had the best year ever and i'm sad to see it end. i enjoy teaching a whole lot and i know i'm gonna miss it this summer. i refuse to teach summer school though. i foresee that being uneccessary stress as well.
i recently met a guy during my birthday weekend who seems really nice, and he's cute and he's an alum of howard--just a few years before i graduated from high school lol. yeah he's a couple years older than i am, but so was 34 and if it hadn't been for the fact that i didnt find him attractive (and a few other bad habits), we'd probably still be hanging out. so we'll see where it goes.
i feel so much lighter...i still have more to disclose, but i'll do it later. so that's my reality today...

so what's my reality today...

it's been a minute since i last wrote anything. i've been trying out a couple different blog sites, i think i still like this one best...but since i'm usually only writing for myself, it doesn't much matter which one i use. i titled this entry "back to square one" because that's exactly where i am. recently,  i thought my life was changing for the better but it seems to have only been temporary. i have two main groups of friends that i hang out with which has kept me really busy, but i've begun to feel so distant from them. i can't explain why, it's just how i feel.

back when i was in high school, i had what i called "right now" friends. they were cool to hang out with but i didn't feel like they were meant to be in my life for an extended period of time, so i hung out with them out of convenience. it sounds really bad but i feel like that about some of my friends now. i love them all, but i could seriously live without a couple of them with no problem. i hate having "right now" friends and i thought i was past that phase of my life, but i guess not.

i also feel like i'm back at square one because recently Mr. Consistently Inconsistent has decided to call me again. i honestly know i shouldn't even answer anymore...it NEVER leads to anything and hasn't for the past 6 years. hopefully this will be my last post about him. sounds harsh, and i REALLY hate to say it, but i don't have space for inconsistency in my life right now. he "made pans" to come visit me this weekend, have i heard from him? of course not! i feel really stupid that i actually believed him. i've been nice, too nice really. so that's over now. he's missing out and i deserve somebody great who treats me like i matter...like my daddy:o)

so that's my reality today....

so what's my reality today?

so i'm sitting here when i should be doing work, but i've just had such an interesting convo with my roommate regarding relationships (what else is new?) i've recently been dating this guy because my friends told me that i need to be more "open"--not to be confused with easy lol. anyway, we've been on several dates and he's great except for two things: he's not Christian and i'm not physically attracted to him. Now i've heard sooo many times that it is possible for the physical attraction to come later once you spend more time with the person and get to truly see their personality. this does NOT happen for me, which i knew already, but i decided to give it a shot anyway. so now i have this really great guy interested, and here i am...Not. i need to be honest with him but he just treats me sooo well: opens car and restaurant doors, plans dates, texts just to check on me, calls just to hear my voice, i can tell he really cares...sigh. basically, he does everything i want a guy to do for me, and then comes the BUT! i don't think he's cute--will it really come later? i'm so doubtful right now.
so why has it been that the guys i'm physically attracted to don't treat me right? there has to be a guy out there who has it all--as i'm typing this, i'm remembering another of my friends saying that my standards are too high. but if you don't have standards, don't you end up settling? and settling is never good.
my roommate suggested that i find someone with potential and work with him lol. Smiles has sooo much potential. Whenever i think about him, i think about the scene from ATL (i love this movie btw) when Lauren London is sitting in the car with TI and she tells him how great she thinks he is, and he's like nah, not me, and she says "I wish you could see what I see". that's how i feel about Smiles. i've never seen someone with so much potential and i honestly do not think he sees what i see. but that's in the past, despite the fact that my mind won't allow him to stay there :-/. its definitely a daily struggle to move on...ugh! why must this be so difficult? so that's my reality today...